A plea to Democrats: Respect, Empower, Include

In the aftermath of last week’s election this Democrat wants us to find solutions, figure out what happened, but work together.

I’ll admit I was a skeptic.  

I spent this election cycle talking to both Democrats and Republicans to inform my writing. 

I didn’t think we were headed toward a “red wave,” though. While I was interviewing those who supported President Donald Trump before the election, I did listen. And maybe I should have heard the shifts coming.

There was C.C. Wilcox, who I grew up with in Galesburg, Ill., who told me he didn’t like President Trump’s behavior but felt the economy was much better than under President Joe Biden. Bobby Diehl, who I also grew up with, told me something similar about the overwhelming frustration with inflation — and predicted many Americans would vote for Trump. 

When I was in Arizona I was skeptical there would be voters for the Democratic Senate Candidate who voted against Democratic Presidential Candidate, but they existed. A woman I spoke with told me she expected a silent Trump vote, because they wanted to see what he could do. And there was my friend Brandon Cobb, who expressed skepticism and some apathy toward Vice President Kamala Harris that bore out last week. 

I remembered similar sentiments ahead of the 2022 Midterm elections, and then the red wave people thought was coming never materialized.  This time it did.  

In the aftermath it’s the Democrats disappointed, taking stock, each processing the loss differently. 

*** 

On why Democrats lost: My theory, having been part of a long primary election with President Obama that only made the party stronger, is that Democrats since Obama have largely anointed the next leader, instead of allowing a robust primary process. I believe that’s a mistake. 

Avoiding a robust primary has serious consequences — including limiting Democrats’ ability to tell a compelling story to voters in different regions, with different backgrounds, and hearing their concerns. In 2008, I saw firsthand as President Obama’s long, arduous primary with Hillary Clinton allowed him to build coalitions in states where Democrats have barely competed since — Iowa, North Carolina and even Indiana.  

President Joe Biden opted to run again, though he had pledged originally to be a transitional candidate. Only Dean Phillips, who had credentials as an elected leader, challenged him and the party infrastructure acquiesced. But after Biden struggled to speak at the first debate against President Trump, and many rightly questioned his decision, he bowed out.  

I don’t think there’s any way Joe Biden could have defeated Donald Trump again. 

After the stumble at the debate, especially because Donald Trump had predicted it, Biden lost trust.  But by the time he decided to bow out, he set his Vice President up at a deficit of organization and competitive training that a robust primary process would have granted her or the ultimate victor.  Democrats were on the backfoot and just trying to make ground. 

*** 

Remembering the sense of loss I had in college when my preferred candidate didn’t win, I reached back out to the students at the University of Arizona I spoke with for my previous column, who said they wanted the country to come together.  

Andrew Pongratz still hoped for unity.  On the election he said: “I feel a certain amount of relief, since the campaigning side of things will cease now. I worry about what truly comes next. It has been pretty quiet since Election Day – no major clashes, it seems people on all sides are in a bit of shock, awe – but I wonder if that will continue into Inauguration Day.” 

He said he hopes Democrats don’t blame the loss on racism or misogyny, though he knows it exists. 

There too often a certain level of arrogance some on both sides of the political aisle have — and some Democrats are exhibiting again now. Blaming individual people or constituencies for their vote, saying they are voting against their own interests.  To presume we know others’ interests is a flaw.  To seek to understand, and engage in meaningful dialogue, is key to building trust and in winning in politics.  And that art seems often left behind. 

As the loss unfolded, I saw people turning against each other on social media, saying they wouldn’t speak to those who voted for a different party, even if they were family or co-workers. 

As I put it on social media, in part: “To Democrats who are saying you are turning away from family or co-workers who voted for Trump, you're doing it wrong.  You're building barriers to having real conversations and understanding where people are coming from.  You say you're open minded but you're not practicing it very well.  You're missing an opportunity for the future.”

When I worked for President Obama, beginning in the Iowa caucuses, we spent nearly two years speaking respectfully with millions of voters — including those who we disagreed with — and we listened. 

Our political mantra back then was respect, empower, include.  If Democrats are ever going to win back voters’ support, that’s the only approach that will work. We need to focus on what brings us together, not isolating people who voted a different way. 

Photo by Brandon Mowinkel on Unsplash

*** 

Recently, my son was selling chocolates for his public middle school and went door to door after the election to ask for donations — our area is a mix of Trump / Harris supporters — and almost everyone donated.  People love our country, but we can't only love our neighbor when we win. 

My advice is to do the opposite of icing your neighbors or family members out. Go over to them, give your neighbor who voted for Trump (or Harris) a coffee. Congratulate them (or console them) and learn why they voted the way they did. We often have things in common we wouldn't know.  

I wrote to a family member who was rooting for President Trump the day after the election and told him congratulations.  He wrote back “We all can win, it should be the path for everyone.” 

I hope he’s right.  

I want a world where we all win. Even if my political experience is that often that is very, very hard. When we anchor our trust in one person to solve it all, we’re often left very disappointed. (I remember, for example, none other than the actor Matt Damon expressing disillusionment after President Obama couldn’t single handedly change things he wanted.)

Rather than focus on “winning,” I believe it’s more important we move forward and build trust so we can collaborate on local problem solving, and that will take individual work. It takes being the person who initiates a conversation, it takes listening and respecting the other even when we disagree. 

While Bobby Diehl and I voted for different candidates, we had a lot in common when we spoke and that doesn’t change regardless of who won. 

“Hopefully if he does win,” Bobby said of Trump, “He's not gonna be on Twitter at 2 am just bashing all kinds of stuff to try and force his hand on stuff.”  

I couldn’t agree more.

***

NOTE: If you have a different theory, you should know you can always write me back and I will respond. I’m so grateful for those who are subscribing to this substack and I look forward to growing with your perspectives shared.